


All We Can Do Is Keep Breathing

by TheWalkingBread



Category: Captain America, Captain America (Movies), Stucky - Fandom
Genre: ..yet, AU, Angst, CIVIL WAR DIDNT HAPPEN, Depression, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, So much angst, Stucky - Freeform, Winter/Widdow, and fluff, but also happy bucky, im sorry, romanogers - Freeform, sad bucky, therapist wanda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-08
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-13 23:14:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7142156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWalkingBread/pseuds/TheWalkingBread
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Its been four years since Bucky came back into Steves life. Buckys doing better with Wandas help and Steve couldn't be happier. Life for the super soldiers is at its peak. Nothing can bring them down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

_The storm is coming but I don't mind_  
_People are dying, I close my blinds_

_All that I know is I'm breathing._

_\----------------------------------------------------_  
_Four years previous:_

 

_"You're sure there was nothing there? You're absolutely sure?" Steve said, pacing around the Tower aimlessly. He'd been on the phone with Falcon for about an hour now. When the call had begun he'd been patient, listened carefully as Sam spoke. Now, however, he was irritated and yelled at his friend._

_Natasha had been watching silently for a while. She was in plain view leaning against the wall, but wasn't sure if Steve noticed her when she walked in. The spy had been curious when she'd heard the national Hero being so uncharacteristically loud._

_"I don't care Sam! There has to be some trace of him, some trail he left behind, and we're not going to stop until we find it!" Steve practically screamed into the receiver. In his anger he launched the tiny phone into the large floor-to-ceiling window in front of him. The crash made Natasha gasp._

_"Steve?...... Steve?......" Sam's voice sputtered out of the ruined smart phone. The force of the throw had lodged it halfway in the thick plate glass. Natasha's eyebrows shot up in both surprise and shock. She'd known Steve was strong but she hadn't thought he was that strong._

_"Impressive Steve." She said with only a hint of amusement in her voice. Steve sighed and turned away from the scene, his hands on his hips._

_"I'm really not in the mood Natasha." He said almost annoyed. She didn't take it personally, given the conversation she'd just eavesdropped on. The Widow had a good idea what it was about._ _She sighed and moved to where he stood, placing a hand on the Star Spangled Man's shoulder. He turned to face her._

_"Steve, I can't let you do this to yourself anymore." Natasha said bluntly. She took one his his large hands in both of hers._

_"Look at what it's doing to you, what **he's** doing to you." She looked into Steve's deep, deep eyes. Those eyes had seen so many horrible things. They swam with loss, with hurt. "He's **gone** Steve."_

_The soldier couldn't look at her. Tears he'd been holding back since the day his best friend fell were spilling out over his cheeks. He was embarrassed, and he could feel the blush on his cheeks, but he didn't care._

_"But that's the thing Natasha, he isn't gone. He was never gone." Steve sobbed now, fighting to finish. "He's been alive this whole time, and they've been doing... That to him, this whole time and I've... I've.."_

_Natasha took him in her arms as wave after wave of grief crashed into him. She felt a little silly as she rocked this giant of a man, but she did it anyway. For him, for Steve, she would do this._

 

_"We'll find him Steve. We'll find Bucky."_


	2. Chapter Two

_Present Day:_

 

     Sam Wilson wakes up in the early hours of the day. Life in the military has programmed him to. He doesn't mind though, he's always thought of himself as an early bird. Falcon dresses in his sweats and trainers, throws on a t shirt before heading to the kitchen. He makes himself a light breakfast (eggs, bacon and buttered toast) before he heads out for a run.

     He puts his ear buds in as he stretches his legs. Stretching before exercise is very important. Life as an Avenger, protector of the common folk, demands that you be physically prepared at all times. It's hard to jump into action with pulled muscles.

     The Avenger puts on his workout playlist and starts down his usual path. It's early spring. Nice little flowers are starting to bloom. Trees are full with green leaves. Fresh green growth can be seen all around. Sam notices all of this on his run. He also notices how refreshing the breeze is this morning. _It's going to be a nice day_ , he thinks to himself. He takes a deep breath and continues on.

     The best part about starting your day off with a little exercise is just how good you feel the rest of the day. Sam loves the feeling it gives him. He just generally loves his morning runs.

     "On your left!"

     "On your right!"

     Make that _loved_.

     "Oh come on guys!" Sam stops running. Sweat drips down his face.

     "I can't have one morning, just _one morning_ without you guys!?" He yells after the two super soldiers. But it's light hearted, and he's  laughing when he resumes his run.

     Steve and Bucky laugh as they run together. They can't help it, the look on Sam's face as they leave him in the dust every morning is priceless. Soon enough they are so far ahead that Falcon is only a tiny blip in the distance.

     Bucky slows to a stop and puts his hands on his knees, still laughing. His Friend stops beside him.

     "Come on Buck, let's get going" Steve says. He's jogging in place now.

     "Just a sec, let me catch my breath." He says between laughs. He looks up at Steve, a huge smile spread across his face. It knocks the wind out of the super soldier, though he tries his best to hide it. Some days it still shocks him that Bucky, his best friend, whom he watched fall to his death so many decades ago, is alive and well. Maybe 'well' isn't the right term. Alive and.. Doing better. It's almost like old times again.

     "What are you staring at?" Bucky asks simply. It brings Steve back to the present.

     "Do I have something in my teeth?" His friend, the funny man.

     "Nah Buck, just thinking." He smiles to himself.

     "Well stop then." The ex-assassin stand back up and stretches a little twisting his body just a bit.

     Suddenly, he knocks into Steve, throwing him off balance for a few seconds.

     "Race ya!" Bucky yells playfully as he takes off running again. Steve is to stunned to move at first. But he shakes it off quickly and takes off after his friend, smiling. Bucky laugh.

     "Ha! You call yourself a super soldier? Come on _Captain_ you can do better than that!" The soldier taunts. Warmth blossoms on the Cap's face. He's still getting used to having Playful Bucky back. He charges after his friend, giving it all he's got.

     "I'm only just starting _buddy_." He shoots back, passing a bemused Bucky. Steve laughs and races on.

     Bucky grunts and leans into his run, giving him an extra bit of speed. He plows right by Steve, sticking his tongue out playfully.   
Just ahead of them is a big sign displaying 'CAUTION: CONSTRUCTION AHEAD'. Buck half turns mid run, smirking at his pal.

     "Think you can keep up old man? Follow me!"

     "What?" The Cap says before he sees the sign. He feels a pang of alarm and stops dead in his tracks, after all he is Captain America. What would people think if he went rampaging through a construction zone with his freshly cleared ex-hydra agent best friend?

     "Bucky wait!" The metal armed man stops and turns, "We shouldn't.." He starts. Bucky only laughs.

     "What's the matter Stevie? Afraid of a little danger?" He's teasing him again. "Or maybe you're afraid of some bad publicity?" He smirks and puts his hands on his hips. He seems so sure of himself, but Steve can hear the doubt in his voice. Afraid of ruining the fantastic morning, he puts his duties as Americas hero aside. It's just a little bad behavior after all.

     "Not a chance Barnes." Steve gives him his best smile and runs past him into the closed off area. He takes a breath of relief when Bucky laughs and follows him.

     They zip between angry workers, Bucky even uses one as a vault to launch himself onto one of their trailers. Steve makes a mental note to send him an apology.   
Steve watches his friend as he runs along rising beams and over trucks and such. He rolls his eyes.

     "Showing off much Barnes?" He calls, "no pretty girls here to impress!" Bucky flips artistically off a stack of bricks and lands just behind the Star Spangled Man. He's running alongside him again in no time.

     "Oh _I'm_ showing off? You know they do make shirts big enough for you right?" Both men are laughing as they exit the construction area. They end their run under a tall tree, both breathing deep and long. Sweat drips down their backs as they rest in the shade, neither saying anything. After a while Steve breaks the silence.

     "So how you feeling today Buck?" He says calmly.

      "I'm alright." It's immediate, mechanical. Like it's been practiced.

     "You sure? Cause after last night I thi-"

     A sleek, inconspicuous black car rolls up in front of them. The passenger side door opens and Natasha Romanov steps out looking sharp in a pencil skirt and blouse. Bucky whistles obnoxiously.

     "Hey Darlin'" Bucky smiles at her. Nat gives him a look that says 'knock it off', wiping the smile right off his face. Steve clears his throat.

     "You look nice Natasha." Steve says. She smiles sincerely.

      "Thank you Steve."

      "What brings you all the way down here?" The super soldier asks. She  motions to the car.

      "Boss is calling." Steve sighs.

      "And if we're being summoned-"

      "It means we're needed." Nat finishes. "Come on." The trio climbs into the vehicle, Natasha in front and the boys in the back, and drive off.


	3. Chapter Three

_Present day:_

     The short ride to Stark Tower is made in silence. Bucky has attempted to roll the window down three times. Each time Natasha firmly says ' _No_ ' and he rolls it back up with a sigh and slight blush. It's clear to Steve that he's agitated, the way he's shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He puts his hand on his friend's arm.

     "You alright?" He asks.

     "Just want some fresh air.." Bucky says and clears his throat, tugs at the collar of his shirt. Natasha watches him in the rear view mirror, her eyes softening just a fraction. Every day since coming back from the dead (almost literally) has been a constant struggle for the ex-assassin. Anxiety has rocked him to the point of collapse. She knew he'd be too embarrassed to say he just needed a little more space than the small car offered.

     "Actually, I could use some air too." She says quietly. Bucky quickly rolls the window and closes his eyes, leaning back in his seat. He puts his flesh hand out of the window, making waves in the wind as they drive. Steve mouths 'thank you' to Nat.

     The rest of the ride is uneventful.  
\----------------------------------------------------

     "It's about time you got here." Tony Stark announces when the three Supers arrive. "Come on everyone else is waiting" he gestures comically to a conference room brimming with heroes.

     "This better not be about one of your little inventions Tony... _Again_." Natasha says as she heads in to greet the other Avengers. Bucky follows her, earning a curious look from the Iron Man.

     "Hey Cap got a minute to chat before we begin?" Tony pulls Steve aside before he follows the other two into the room.

     "Can it wait-"

     "Are you sure he's ready for this Steve." The Avenger nods towards Bucky going through the doorway. His voice is just above a whisper. Steve is taken aback by his playful friend's unusually serious tone.

     "What do you mean 'ready'?"

     "I mean are you sure he isn't going to shut off in the middle of battle? Are you sure he's ready to step up and be a hero again? _Are you sure he isn't still going to turn on us?_ " Steve is shocked. Of course not! There hasn't been an 'incident' in over a almost seven months. Sure he has his good days and his bad days, but Bucky's been on the road to recovery for years now.  He may not be perfect but he's pretty damn close, at least in Steve's opinion.

     "Yes I'm sure. _He's_ sure." Steve shoots back. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a meeting to attend." He shoves past his friend and walks into the conference room, looking quite annoyed. He takes a seat next to Bucky, who nudges him lightly.

    "You okay? What's up with you two?"

     "Nothing important Buck, don't worry about it." He gives his old friend a smile before Tony enters to begin the meeting.

     "Alright ladies and Natasha, cool stuff going on lately- F.R.I.D.A.Y a little help please." Same old Tony. Cocky and irritating.

     "Of course, sir." The A.I. Obliges, and computer screens come alive all around the table displaying several different violent scenes.

On the first screen two masked people fight against authorities in Southern Asia. One wields a sword and slices through the opposition easily.

     On another screen a man with his back to the camera uses unseen forces to obliterate a young police officer with a gun. He begins to turn, but the camera cuts out before his identity is revealed.

     "What is this Tony." The Cap says, curiosity piqued. The other Avengers look on as yet another character, this time a big brute of a man, smashes through barricades and swarms of armored S.W.A.T. with exponential strength.

     "It looks like.. " Clint begins, but he can't seem to find a word to describe the tapes.

     "It looks like someone's been experimenting on people." Wanda chips in. She's got her arms crossed, and her face displays her disgust. She would know first hand what it's like to be experimented on.

     "But how could they do that? Loki's scepter was destroyed." Natasha says matter of factly.

     "There are other ways." Bucky says quietly. The way he fidgets concerns Steve, but he decides he'll bring it up in private later.

     "Tony, what does this have to do with us?" The Cap asks again. He's getting impatient and really just wants Tony to cut to the chase. The iron man looks at him.

     "Just wait grandpa there's more." He presses a button and a new video takes up the screen. This time, all four characters - the masked duo, the brute, and the unidentified man - stand together- fighting, destroying, killing. "It's some kind of team. Weeks ago we were getting reports of individuals displaying 'unnatural gifts' causing mayhem all over the world. Just a few days ago they were spotted all together in Cleveland, Ohio. They scrambled the authorities for a bit before they completely disappeared."

     "Any idea what they were after?" Hawkeye asks.

     "The only other lead is a murder on the outskirts of the city." Tony says as the screens change to show a crime scene report.

     "One murder and you think it's connected to these guys?" Wanda scoffs. 

     "Well I wouldn't jump to conclusions if there wasn't something special about it." Tony teases. "The initial investigators didn't find anything special about the guy, buuuut _my_ guys get just a _little_ more in depth. By a little, I mean they're the best by the way. The victim is ex-Hydra." He sits in his chair and looks around the room at the other Avengers. Vision is the first to speak.

"They were after something. But.. What?" He inquires.

"Whatever it is it can't be good." Bucky sighs and gets up. Steve gets up too, but Bucky waves him back down. "I'm fine Steve." He leaves the room, all eyes on him. Steve looks at Wanda, who nods in understanding and takes off after him.

Most of the team, excluding Vision and Tony, have been welcoming (and trusting to a point) towards Bucky. Natasha's friendship has limits but Steve's overheard their late-night talks. He wishes he'd come to him more often, but he understands that Nat probably has a better understanding of what he went through.

     Sam is a bit hard on him, teases him a lot, but Buck needs a little of that. It's kind of like how he and Steve were way back when.

     The best of all is Wanda. She's amazing with him. When he first arrived at the Tower he would barely speak to anyone, even Steve. It was Wanda who cracked his shell and led him back into the light. She'd acted as kind of a therapist for him, using her power as the Scarlet Witch to help him relax and work through the stuff hydra put in his head. Eventually he started talking about it, started down the path of self-forgiveness.

     Steve couldn't thank her enough, I mean, a gift basket and a hallmark card don't seem good enough for someone who basically brought your best friend back from the brink of self destruction.

     He smiles remembering the first night he'd heard Bucky laughing, actually _laughing_ again. He'd been with Wanda, talking about 'the good ol days' and such. It had been a delight. Seeing him folding in on himself again, running away from the people who want to help him, however, makes Steve feel sore inside. He sighs and gets up.

"We should go to Cleveland, scope out the scene ourselves. We might get a lead on where they're headed."

"I was thinking the same thing Freedom Man." Tony says as the screens disappear. The team gathers close to devise a plan, minus Wanda and Bucky. Steve looks over his shoulder at the door once again, feeling torn between running to his friends rescue and staying with his team. He hates that he's so conflicted when it comes to Bucky, but he can't help it.

"Steve?" Natasha startles him a little, and he looks at her like she just walked in on him naked.

"Yeah?"

"We really need your input on this." She says. Her eyes move from his face, to the door behind him, and back so fast the others don't notice. But Steve did. He nods and pulls a chair up to their circle.

The super soldier tries his best to put his whole heart into the mission, listening carefully to the others and offering his own opinions and suggestions. All the while, though, there's something deep inside him - a cold, unnerving feeling creeping into his brain. He can't put his finger on what exactly it is, but it throws him off just the slightest bit. He shakes it off as pre-battle jitters.

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to my bestie for helping me edit.


End file.
